Haste Makes Waste

Regarding my last post about Salma Hayek, I was a bit rushed when posting and truthfully, I think I was wrong. That is what I get for just typing, then hitting "publish".

While it was a cinch for me to lose my baby weight, I only gained 20 lbs to begin with and, most importantly, I was already overweight when I got pregnant. I most certainly was not at my ideal weight, like Salma Hayek was. So yes - I have lost all my baby weight, but I am still overweight overall. I do think it would be hard for me to lose any more weight while still breastfeeding and frankly, I am not even going to try too hard until I am done breastfeeding. I do not want to mess with my eating habits at the risk of my health or my baby's. And that is where I realized how very wrong I was to criticize Salma Hayek for her very rational statements.

Two gals had GREAT comments on that last post that made me realize I needed to reel back in a bit. First, Monkey pointed out:

One thing I do like about Salma Hayek and this comment is that she is being brutally honest about the fact that even her (hot hot hot) body changed post-pregnancy. God bless Gwyneth Paltrow and her second day size 2 pant size, but it just doesn't reflect reality for most people. This comment may also have been aimed at people like Naomi Watts & others who claimed they lost all the weight *simply* through breastfeeding. While some may be telling the truth...well, this is Hollywood and I think Salma is kind of telling it like it is over here, not necessarily the rest of the world. When 9/10 people claim they lost weight by "pilates" or "breastfeeding" in Hollywood what they really mean is "tummy tuck" and "lipo" and "extreme diets".

And Emily added this:

I also think that Salma Hayek was attempting to counter the mostly unrealistic images of post-baby weight loss coming out of Hollywood. I'm still bf'ing my 10-month-old, and believe me, the pounds did not melt off! And exclusive breastfeeding introduces different demands on a mother's time and energy - whether or not she is pumping. In some ways, those demands can make it tougher to lose weight. In any case, I found Hayek's comments to be refreshing.

In case you are wondering, I would like to have my crow served warm with a side of garlic mashed potatoes, please.

Many Moons

I cannot believe it has been what - two months? *Gulp* I swear I had not forgotten this blog.

However.

I have been verklempt lately. I had been still struggling with the postpartum depression thingie I had going on.

However.

After the first time I posted about it, my husband was upset. He is a very private person and obviously, postpartum depression is not about one individual - it affects an entire family. I respected his wishes that I not talk about it.

However.

Then, I felt like such a fraud because I did end up going on Zoloft a few months ago. And it seemed untruthful to post here and not "confess" that fact. But I wanted to respect X's wishes, too.

However.

I have a daughter. Perhaps, if Anjali had been a boy, I would feel differently and would just continue on as usual. No harm. No foul. Right?

However.

HOWEVER.

I have a very direct, very personal experience with a "child losing a parent" scenario since my own father lost his own father at the tender age of 18 months. Recently, I realized something. If something were to happen to me, my own daughter may not know the truth. She may see this blog some day and think that everything turned out fine. She may some day, have a child of her own. She may some day, struggle with postpartum depression. I would be horrified to think that she might say "well, my own mother dealt with it stoically, therefore I must as well".

I have never written a "Dear Son/Daughter Letter". I think they are a bit cheesy but am willing to break with tradition this once.

For Anjali.

____________________
March 29, 2008

Dear Anjali,

When I found out I was having a daughter, I was over the moon and beyond. I think I was all the way out to Saturn - maybe even Jupiter. Wait, a second. Which is farther out??? Whatever. I was so excited to have a girl. You get the picture. A daughter. I considered myself the luckiest ever in the history of women giving birth to have a boy and a girl. I love butterflies and dinosaurs! I love, love trains! And dolls! And cars! And hair barrettes! (P.S. You love trains, too. I have photos.)

When you were born, I cried. You were my 2nd baby and the experience was less surreal than your brother's birth. With Arun, I was high on excited adrenaline about having a baby and in a bit of a shock about being a mother (something I had dreamed of since I was little girl.) However, with you, I knew exactly, precisely all the joys I was in for with you. Your birth was all about you and nothing whatsoever about me becoming a mother. I was already a mother, I knew what what I was doing at that point and was not scared in the least to be a mother again.

After you were born, while I was still on the delivery table , you immediately came to my breast to nurse and we never looked back. I am so grateful that I have only breastfed you and we have never given you formula. You are a healthy, chubby little girl and I totally relish your pudgy thighs and dimpled knuckles. I am hoping you breastfeed until about 18 months or so, but truly - it is up to you. If you want to give it up as 12 months. So be it. Two years? That is fine, too.

While we were in the hospital, I did not want you to leave the room. I was on edge when you were not with me. With Arun, I was more nervous and sent him to the nursery more often so that I could sleep. With you, I felt more comfortable and did not want you to leave at all - I was very nervous when you were not with me and preferred that you sleep with me in the hospital bed (a queen size, HUGE bed - very safe for co-sleeping.) I slept so peacefully when you were beside me. I could wake up throughout the night and immediately feel your chest to make sure you are breathing (I still do this, nearly nine months later. When will I stop this?)

When we brought you home, you decided that you would not sleep in the bassinet and that you needed to sleep with your daddy or me. And we did not argue. You are still sleeping with me in our bed and we have no intentions of moving you to another bed until you want to move to another bed. You sleep best with daddy or me. In India, this is the common way to sleep, so we do not care and we all sleep together. Because we are a family. We are confident that you will head off to college wanting to sleep on your own.

Anjukutty, I do not expect us to be friends. Ever. I want to be your mother - the one to guide you and share life with you. But not as your friend. You will have many, many friends in your life. I might be a sort of friend, on a lesser scale, but I will always, always be your mother first. This means that I may tell you things that you do not want to hear. On the other hand, friends have to a tendency to tell you only the things you want to hear. You can always come to me for an honest opinion, that you may or may not desire. But it will be honest and only with pure intentions for I only have your best interest at heart.

I have so many interests, thoughts and ideas - I am so excited to share those with you. I do hope that we will enjoy doing things together - playing cards, going to antique malls, playing board games, watching sports, reading books, traveling, knitting. But I will always be your mother first. Not your friend. Please remember this on those days that you are angry with me for telling you what you did not want to hear.

Anju, this is the serious part of this letter. After you were born, I encountered the saddest, darkest period of my life. The dreaded postpartum depression. Fortunately, you and Arun were not a part of that dark part. Actually, you and Arun have been the light of my life and have kept me going. I wake up each morning and try to think of fun things to do for you and Arun - even on the days when I do not want to get out of bed. The two of you keep me going and make me get out of the house. Every single day, you and Arun do something that makes me smile.

I have been taking Zoloft and that has helped. In addition, I am still trying my best to eat healthy, go for walks and keep active while I wait for my body to get back to normal. Reading, writing and knitting have taken on an even greater importance for me as a means for relaxation. Lately, I have felt that I am getting more normal and that my hormones are settling down. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

AnjukuttyAlthough the past few months have been so hard, I would do them all over again in a heartbeat. No questions asked. You have made our family complete in so many ways I never thought possible and we are grateful that you are so healthy.

I pray that someday I will give you this letter myself.

Love,
Mama

Pump and Dump Slump

Yesterday, I actually considered doing a Pump n' Dump for a malt.

Yes, you read that correctly. A malt. A vanilla malt, preferably.

Dairy, Greek gyros, and even my beloved Thai lhad na ga pow simply tears my baby girl up. I sort of feel sorry for her, but I also feel sorry for me. I would love to take advantage of these extra calories I am burning and treat myself to a freakin' malt.

Semantics

In our house, we have 3 types of milk:
Mama's milk
Cow's milk
Soymilk

Part of me feels as if I should just say "milk" for my own milk, but I also do not want to create any confusion when he is out and about.

In other news, I was lying on my side on the floor playing with Arun the other night. He ran over my nipple with his car.

Oh. My. God. The agony. It is a good thing he is weaned because I suspect Right Girl will be holding a grudge over this.

Feed me!

I have my own little Audrey Jr. in the house these days.

When one says "experienced" mom, it only means you know slightly more than you did the 1st time around. And not much more. Trust me on this, Grasshopper.

My sweet, adorable, easy-going baby morphed into a fussy, demanding little gremlin overnight conveniently as her daddy boarded an airplane for a week-long business trip. Her behaviour had me totally baffled until my friend Mojavi pointed out that Anjali was probably hitting her 3 month growth spurt.

Lightbulb? It is On, baby.

Kellymom has some great info on this and yes, it appears that Anjali is probably in the throes of her 3 month growth spurt. The site also mentions this can happen when a baby is hitting a new developmental milestone. Can you say "rolling over", kiddies? She has been able to get to her side quite easily for awhile now, but is working on the stomach. I feel like telling her to not bother because that would just only serve to piss her off. Particularly considering how she loathes tummy time anyway.....

However, babies these days? Do not listen to their mothers.

AAP Approved Medicines for Nursing Mothers

I have had an upset stomach all day and for the first time in years, Pepto-Bismol appeared to be in order.

Or not.

According to Kelly Mom via the Selected List of Medications approved by the AAP for use in breastfeeding mothers, Pepto-Bismol is NOT approved for breastfeeding mothers. Crap. Of course, I bothered to look this up AFTER I had already taken 2 doses. Timed with the nursing sessions and the doses (which were spaced far apart), Anjali will be fine. However, this is an excellent reminder for all breastfeeding mothers to reconsider consuming even the most innocuous of medicines.

In other words, be not an idiot such as me. Cripes.

Are you sleeping?

Tanya at the Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog has an excellent post about a book by Dr. James McKenna's titled, Sleeping with Your Baby. It's a book chockful of useful facts about the benefits of co-sleeping. I've written many times about my ignorance of co-sleeping and my reluctance to embrace it before I had my son. However, once I learned the benefits of co-sleeping, I never looked back.

I can't express how incredibly important co-sleeping has been for me. In short, it's saved my sanity and these past few weeks as I've dealt with some major post-partum blues have only served to verify that for me. I'm through the tunnel now, but I can't even imagine how much worse it could have been had I been sleep deprived. The first week with Anjali was the usual tough one with a newborn - every feeding required a diaper change, she was still too small for me to nurse while lying down and I was still recovering the birth. However, since the 2nd week, I haven't really lost that much sleep unless we're suffering from colds or I eat Greek food or ice cream (which disturbs her tummy just as much as it did Arun's. Sigh.)

As rabid of a co-sleeping advocate I am, it's not that I think everyone should absolutely, positively sleep with their children. No. Quite the opposite - not everyone is cut out for it, even babies. For example, my younger sister could not, would not, sleep with my dad and step-mom. She simply slept best on her own despite their efforts to get her to sleep with them. However, I wish more folks would at least consider co-sleeping and at a minimum, become more knowledgeable. I am tired of the tragic stories being trafficked that portray co-sleeping as dangerous. I am tired of folks pressing their lips firmly together when I "confess" my co-sleeping sins.

I will definitely be reading this book. It's almost as if I see at my personal mission to help end the myths and ignorance that surround co-sleeping.

Growing up

Last night, I went to the La Leche League fundraiser to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week. I didn't know a soul there, but at a minimum, I thought my son would have fun. We had a great time and I met some new people. I will definitely be looking into joining one of the chapters in my area.

Before I had children of my own, I had a distorted perception of the La Leche League. Some of this perception was based on media, some based on personal experiences. By the time I figured out that the League would actually be a good fit for me, I was already involved in the breastfeeding support group at my hospital. I didn't really have the time to get involved in something else an the support group was enough for me. However, this time around with my daughter, the support group at my hospital probably won't work for us unless I can get my son into a specific day for his mother's day out program. Simply, it's too difficult to drag an active toddler to the support group. The support group is comprised mostly of new mothers and frankly, most new mothers are leery of a grabby toddler around their newborns. I understand that and to be respectful, don't feel comfortable taking Arun there now. So, I will be looking into the La Leche League as an alternative. And after last night's activity, am looking forward to joining something new.

I wonder what other ill-conceived perceptions have held me back from new experiences?

No way. NO WAY.

Apparently, my induction was scheduled for 7 PM which is significantly, completely and utterly different than AM.

Specifically, one is in the MORNING and the other is in the EVENING.

Now that I am done freaking out and we have figured out who is going to take care of Arun tonight and tomorrow because in other news, our plans for him fell through, I am doing okay. Actually, I'm lying.

I'm still totally freaked out.

I apologize for these departures from "breastfeeding", but it is difficult to wrap my head around the topic of breasts until I get this "birthin' part accomplished. Bear with me.

Lighter Fare

I am getting induced bright n' early tomorrow morning. My son has already been informed that his contract for the position of Head Honcho is up for renegotiation and that his new terms aren't looking so hot.

Will return Wednesday - I will be taking copious notes on how the early days go with breastfeeding. Those entries will be in a category called "Dear Diary" and I am planning to do at least 2 straight weeks' worth, but would really like to do 3 weeks. In the meantime, let's end this on a lighter note, shall we?

Friday, 7/6/07 - Anjali's Due Date
With no baby imminently showing the whites of her eyes that night, I thought that I would splurge and get a vanilla malt. I love malts and HATE milkshakes - but I rarely get malts because they are what? A squillion calories or something? Anyway..... So, I go to Sheriden's then drive merrily on my way home. I pull into the garage, reach for the malt and it's not there. I realized with a slight horror what I had done. I had basically chucked a $20 bill at the kid in the drive-thru window at Sheriden's - then, I drove off. DUDE. I didn't even get my change, much less my malt. So, yeah. I sheepishly drove back to Sheriden's to retrieve my money and malt. Sadly, they were fresh out of Dignity and Pride.

I may not have birthed a baby on my due date Friday, but apparently I birthed my brain.

However. There's even more.

My husband was the IN THE CAR WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME.

Innernets, I ask of you - - - What's HIS excuse??

Talk amongst yourself.

The Theme is the Meme, Redux

Jackie at Kids Dish tagged me for the 7 Random Facts About Me Meme:

1. Once I start a collection of something, it drives me nuts until it is finished. Nancy Drew, I'm talking 'bout you!

2. I love high places and I usually ask for the highest floor possible when staying in a hotel. What I don't like is an elevator. Seriously. It's one of my recurring nightmares - different variations of being stuck in an elevator, being injured in an elevator and having it go up and down and up and down without letting me off.

3. I have a thing for sunflower seeds. I've been hooked on them since I was in 3rd grade. I am particular about the storage of them (freezer-only) and if they have been sitting out for even a day, I can't eat them because they are stale by then. I have a special bowl set for the seeds/shells. My very favorite thing to do during naptime is hunker down with a book and bowl of seeds. Currently, David's distributes the best quality, although sometimes I will still run across a bad bag of them.

4. I like washing dishes and cleaning my kitchen. I can't relax if the kitchen is dirty and I find the warm water and sudsy bubbles are soothing. Our dishwasher was broken for over 2 months and I finally made myself call the guy to get it fixed. It didn't bother me to wash dishes, but we may sell the house next year and the dishwasher will need to be fixed by then anyway. I still hand-wash quite a few dishes.

5. I love maps! I love just laying on my spare bedroom bed and gazing at the world map there trying to get the "lay of the land". I love it when I travel - arriving in a new city with map in hand, trying to figure my way around.

6. I usually read 2-3 books at a time. They are always from different genres so I usually have at least a few non-fiction going and one fiction.

7. I love to knit but not because it is artistic or creative. I am not good enough to come up with complicated patterns on my own. Rather, I call my knitting Productive Relaxation.

The Theme Is The Meme

I've been tagged for a meme. I LOVE doing memes and steadfastly declare it to be the Rodney Dangerfield of blog fodder. Memes are deliciously egotistically. What's not to love about that?

Bryan at Sympathy Pain tagged me for the 5 Reasons I Love to Blog Meme:

Friends - I have made some incredible friends through the power of blogging. I've been blogging for nearly 3 years and over that time, I've shared my highs and lows with some incredible people. I've had several Blog Friends morph into Real Life friends.

Connection - I stay home full-time with my son. Granted, I am not actually AT HOME that often, but am in and out of the house all day. The blogosphere is a great way to stay connected with the "outside" world because it's interactive (keeping in mind, many of my Real Life friends blog as well). Sure, I keep up with the news via feeds and news sites, but keeping up with people is just as important. My friends and I are often busy scurrying about in our lives and may not have time to hop on the phone - blogs have proved invaluable for keeping in touch. I've heard many SAHMs say they feel isolated - I've never felt that way.

Reflection - Writing your thoughts and experiences down can be dicey. Once you have written and published, your words are out there and it's difficult to withdraw. Since I've been blogging, I have found myself having to face the fact that occasionally I am wrong (I know - scandalous!) However, I wholeheartedly believe this sort of reflection is good. In the short time I have been maintaining Nursing Your Kids, I have already had to really think about some of my previously held notions about such things as "weaning timelines" and "formula". Life is not static and I certainly don't want to be, either. Blogging provides for a great way to work some of those grey areas of life out in your head.

Inspiration - I read a ridiculous number of blogs. Between my Bloglines and Google Reader accounts I am reading easily over a 100 blogs. Blogs that make me laugh, cry, and shake my fist in my anger. But most importantly, they make me think.

You- In particular, for this Breastfeeding blog, the knowledge has flowed BOTH ways. I have learned an incredible amount from reading the news, reading publications and doing research. However, I've learned so much from all of you commenting - some great bits of advice and experience that I may not have considered before or read on a website. Thank you for commenting because I am learning as well. And I fully intended that to the point of this blog. I had the opportunity and the time to attend a breastfeeding support group for 13 months. However, many gals out there may not have that chance to do so - lack of resources or perhaps, they have to go back to work. I want to provide a space where everyone can come and freely offer their opinion without fear of recrimination. The more that we share our experiences, the more support we provide anyone happening upon this little neck of the woods.

Whether you are a Reader or Blogger - Why do you love blogs?

Goofy Gerber

I posted about my calling Gerber for free product samples (it was advertised on their website). Not sure what to think because all I've received thus far are some lousy coupons. That's IT. Also, I noticed on the soothing gel pads I purchased that each pad is only good for FOUR hours - I did some comparison with the Playtex gels pads and they also only last four hours. Conversely, Soothies gel pads are good several DAYS (I could push them easily to 4-5 if I took care of them). Therefore, I don't think Gerber is going to be the money-saver I thought they would be. The breakdown, price-wise on the gel pads is this:
Gerber - 8 for 12.49
Playtex - 6 for 9.99
Soothies - 2 for 11.95

I am hesitant to plunk down any more money to get the Playtex as well - I am debating this. I will definitely be purchasing some Soothies and will definitely report back on product comparisons.

Again, let me stress - gels pad and lanolin are an "either/or" situation. You do NOT use them together. For me, the lanolin cream did NOT work, but the gel pads were a Godsend sent directly from His Truly from Above (or alternatively, my cousin, a lactation consultant. Your choice). I would recommend that any new mother not run out and stock up on supplies. Instead, I suggest using the free samples of lanolin the hospital will surely pass along and buying only one set of gels pads to start off with. Then, you can figure out what works for you before you go plunking down your kid's college fund.

Sidenote: If you don't end up using your lanolin cream, save the sample tubes! They can be used for convenient travel-sized tubes of diaper rash cream. Obviously, lanolin cream is WAY to expensive to use all the time for diaper rash, but it was so convenient to just tuck a small tube in my carry-on when you're out and about.