Saturday, July 14, 2007

Thy name is Perspective: Day 6

Last night was bad. REALLY bad. It didn't help that I was very weepy yesterday, too - per the following equation:

(hormones + difficult family situation) x Newborn + Teething Toddler - Sleep = Copious Amounts of Tears

Last night, I was still facing a lot of engorgement and needed to sleep on my back. The problem is that I am a "side and stomach" sleeper. I absolutely cannot sleep on my back. No way. No how. As I gazed upon my sweet newborn sleeping peacefully, I couldn't help but be frustrated. I did give up around 4 am and go downstairs to pump. I was pumping away, then looked down in shock to realize I had pumped 4 ounces in no time, but was still painfully engorged. Yep, I know it's a good problem to have, but it is still a painful one. I think tonight will be better, though - I can feel these bazookas deflating a bit now.

What kept me going is this - Perspective. On my personal site, Rancid Raves, I refer to this quite a bit. Perspective has gotten me through a lot of difficult days as a mother - teething, no naps, illness, long business trips on the part of my husband. Perspective is that ability to realize that all of this is temporary - and it got me through some dark days of motherhood with my son. One day, my baby son would have all of his teeth (only 2 left now). One day, he would nap regularly (check). I knew that one day, my husband would come home (check). And one day, my little boy would be all grown up and I would miss those days when he wanted to be held 24/7 (sob). So, this morning at 5 am while I tossed and turned, I still managed to hold it together emotionally because I knew that this engorgement couldn't last forever.

So, at 8 am when I woke still bleary-eyed, I was able to look into Anju's eyes, see them for the precious gift that they are and smile.

I'm still pretty damned tired, though.

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